1. The Rollercoaster of PMDD: My Journey – Part 1

This one’s personal, and I'm going to keep it raw and real.

No sugar coating here, and a lot of it comes right from my notes I wrote at the time.

I feel the desire to share this, as so much of what we are told is normal isn't. It may be common, but it’s not normal.

But when I came to the realization that I had more going on than I thought, reading other peoples stories made me feel so much less alone, and that I wasn't going crazy every month.

Something that took a lot more searching and learning was how to heal this so it doesn't effect my life in the way it was. That parts still a work in progress, but I have made so much progress, and that needs to be shared.

It may just be the thing that helps you, or someone you know. And that is my goal in sharing.

May 30, 2024.

Finally… a realization that I’m not crazy half the time…

Life should be so good right now.

When it should be feeling amazing. I have my dream man, moved back to my favourite state, we are making good money, and I’m starting to build my dream business online. But the truth is, I have been struggling so much this year. And it doesn’t feel right

It’s like I’m two different people living two different lives.

At work for two weeks, I’m so motivated to get home and build the business, start my blog and share all the things I have wanted to for years.

And we get home, and I have nothing…

No motivation, depressive thoughts and don’t want to leave the house.

And it starts getting progressively worse.

Until I feel like I’m in the darkest hole I have ever been in. And I’m not a nice person to be around.

The simplest things drive me mad, and I end up in bed, or bundled up on the couch.

Ignoring everything and everyone including those I love most.

~ And then ~ I get my period. Just in time to head back to work. And start the cycle again.

These aren’t just your run of the mill periods either, cramps that make you sick and keep you up all night, so heavy you worry about leaving the house or wearing anything but black, and then, by day 3, it settles and all seems like I just missed a week or more of my life.

It’s been so hard for me to understand what has been happening. And on a little more reflection the cycle seems so easy to see.

Things seem so good, and I love life, only to keep falling in this hole.

It wasn’t until I had spent 2 days in bed, before my period even started, I seriously questioned if I was okay.

And when my period finally arrived, spending that day in bed ~ something I have been used to for many, many years ~ I went to the doctor, doctor google that is. And typed extreme PMS…

~ I was looking for something, maybe a supplement that might help, anything that might help ~

Now pms isn’t something that’s new to me. But to have realized I have been having pms for much longer than normal for all of the year, was scary. Not just a few days of being snappy or sad…

And there it was… PMDD

I read every article and story that came up, and with that came the realisation that maybe I wasn’t going crazy.

I cried. I’m not sure if they were happy tears, sad tears or tears of relief. Maybe it was all of them.

But I cried and kept reading.

Finally feeling seen and validated in my thoughts of “this can’t be me going crazy”, and realizing there is a reason that I have all this motivation, love and excitement for my relationship, life and business while we are away at work, and then come home to the exact opposite.

That it wasn’t just me being shit at life, that it wasn’t that my partner is horrible (he’s not at all! I just felt like he was, but it was me being horrible and hard)

And that it is just shit timing that work lined up so perfectly with my cycle.

If there is one positive about my period is that it’s bang on time every month, as are our flights to work…

So while reading all these stories, I felt so grateful for those beautiful women who have shared theirs. And that I’m not alone, and there are ways to help this.

If you have a story you want to share with the world, please do! You really never know who needed to hear your words, and it just might be enough to help someone get through one of their harder times.

It’s scary to feel like you have a condition, but also comforting to know what it is and what direction to head to heal.

I knew that GPs might not be much help,

So I booked the next available appointment at a local women’s health Center.

In 2 months time…

They specialize in these sorts of things, and I feel like that’s what’s needed for more unique issues.

And booked a GP appointment too, I thought I could get the ball rolling and maybe some blood tests to start as a baseline.

~Well nothing like a mainstream GP to throw you right back into feeling unseen, unheard and invalidated. When I wouldn’t immediately go on the pill and antidepressants, and with no more knowledge than I had already found online, and a blood test script I was swished out the door.~

~I understand GPs can’t know everything, and may not have heard of more unique things, but I do expect to not be made to feel like I don’t know my own body and mind…And to suggest someone is wrong for not wanting to hide their symptoms under pharmaceuticals and offering them with no prior knowledge of my health and after having a 5 minute conversation with me feel extremely irresponsible~ The system is broken ~

So while I waited for my blood test and my appointment at the women’s clinic, I researched all I could about what might help and what I could get locally before flying out to work.

In part two I will share what I have been taking, why I chose those things and how it’s working in these early days.

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My Journey with PMDD – Part 1